Elizabeth Vazquez is a founding partner of the law firm, McAdams & Vazquez LLP, which specializes in the defense and implementation of domestic orders of protection.
If you were to take custody of an abusive domestic partner, there are several things you need to keep in mind.
Do not accept money. In many cases, an abusive partner is not paying a spousal support order because they don’t have any money or are still living at the abuser’s expense. The court does not allow money or gifts by you or your children as part of the order. If you have children, you simply ask the abuser to come to your home, spend time with the children and tell the children that they can stay at your place unless they can find money for childcare. If there’s no money, you can always move out and give the spousal support order to your abuser with the simple statement, “No money from either of us.” The more money you provide, the more likely your abuser will come to your new residence to live.
Do not accept an income guarantee. When you are in domestic violence court, your goal is to protect your children. However, a common tactic abusers use is to offer to pay for childcare for you and your children. In order for them to use this tactic, your income must not exceed the average income for a domestic partner. In most cases, the abuser who is trying to persuade you to accept cash or a income guarantee must first have a history of abuse in order for him/her to be able to offer one. If you do receive cash or an income guarantee, do not accept it. The abuser is trying to use your money on his/her own and you are not in the position to protect your children.
Do not give them access to money. Even if a court has granted your request or will come to your home for parenting time or access, the abuser can sometimes be more interested in the money, property or other property. Remember, the abuse is never supposed to stop and that money that was legally agreed upon will never enter the abuse survivor’s bank account or account in his/her name. Many times the abuser may take possession of the money and property after a short time. While the abuser’s goal is to keep the money or property away from you or your children, this does not excuse the abuse.
Do not give away your rights. If you or your children require the abuser’s